Consider This

It has been a while since I have written on here. There have been several times where I thought about sitting down to hash out the things going on inside my head, but there is always something that distracts me from it and I end up forgetting. Plus, in lieu of writing I have been having some awesome conversations the past few weeks and I will share a bit about those through this posting.

Where to start?

So I crashed on my bike about a week ago. Tore up my elbow, knuckle, hand and knee a bit, and mostly just wounded my pride. I was cruising down this bike path that connects Solvang to Santa Ynez (which was the direction I was heading) at around 9:30 p.m. to meet some friends back at my(?) house. At the bottom of this hill, when it starts heading up the other side of the hill, there is a concrete bank to the right of the path and if you do not curve left enough, you run into it. Which, of course, is what I did. I remember learning about the lead time headlights have when you are driving at high speeds in a car, and those lessons come to mind in this situation. I had my front light on, but I was riding so fast that I couldn’t really see what was immediately ahead of me, and therefore crashed into an easily avoidable concrete bank. Embarrasing…

I have been working a good amount lately; on average I work around 25 hours each week. It is pretty nice not working full time like I did last summer, but I also have a decent income. I finally have the coffee gig down pretty solid which is awesome. I am stoked to be able to use this experience to work at a shop in Portland or somewhere else down the line.

On a more introspective level, this past week has been particularly challenging as I have been wrestling with my fall plans and what God is putting on my heart in that regard. I have essentially written Whitworth off as an option, just so you know. I am sorry if that is disappointing for any of you, and i am sorry I could not tell you personally. This is something I pretty much decided tonight actually. Of course I have been thinking for a while that Whitworth was beyond reach, but now it seems definite. Not only does the cost seem impossible to meet, but I don’t even know if I want to go back anymore. It feels like God may have other plans for me that he is preparing me for. The only thing I can do right now is trust that I will be provided for in all things. If Whitworth is where I need to be, I trust that the money I need will come through. If not, then I know He will take care of me, just as he has through everything else.

In case you have not heard my life story (more specifically my story about West Point), I was dead-set on going to West Point from about eighth grade until my senior year in high school. In my senior year as I applied for admission, I pretty much was IN. I passed the academic standards, the physical fitness test, and received my nomination from Oregon senator Gordon Smith. In all those things I passed. When it came to the medical review, however, there was a bit of a problem. Apparently the Army wants their officers to have perfect vision (at least with corrective lenses), and my eyes (or eye I should say) are (is) anything but perfect. So, they wouldn’t admit me. I was heartbroken.

But here is the beauty of God’s provision: I was accepted to Whitworth without even finishing the Dean’s application. I was supposed to send them a letter of recommendation but never did, and they still accepted me. I was also invited to the Faculty Scholarship Competition which was what convinced me to go to Whitworth. Before visiting for the competition, I had zero interest in Whitworth. Obviously I had a good enough experience that I ended up there for my first year of college.

Let us take a moment to evaluate that sentence. First year of college. I am already done with my first year of college. Now THAT is crazy…

Anyway, I realized down the line that all that crap with West Point was actually preparing me for something so much better, so much more fitting to who I am and what God desires. I am a Peace Studies and Theology major now! How crazy is that?

The reason I brought that story up is because I am similarly evaluating my time at Whitworth as preparation for whatever is next in my life. The decision to come to California may have eliminated my chance to return to Whitworth, but perhaps this is where I am supposed to be. Regardless of whether I think this is where I am “supposed” to be, this is where I am, and I must take advantage of opportunities I have to make a difference in the valley as long as I am here. We often think of the mythical “God’s Will” in linear terms, as though there is only one path and if we do not ask for God to reveal it to us and do not follow that one path then we must be lost. I believe contrarily that we are instead faced with many choices in our lives and that as we make decisions about where to live and where to go to school and who to marry and what vocation we will invest in, that God provides us the tools that are needed in each new situation.

I had a great conversation tonight about that and many other things, and particularly in my situation I have been so uneasy about what I should be doing here in California, and just what it is that I should be investing in. I feel like a great burden has been lifted now that there is no need to beg and hoard every penny to go back to Whitworth. Instead I can give freely and generously of both my financial and time resources, which is what I think I am being called to. There is such a desire in my heart to just give myself fully over to God and live dangerously, to be just completely careless.

Break.

Tonight we also discussed what we should be doing in the valley this summer, and one thing I have been thinking a lot about it having some kind of dinner gathering once a week with the college age group for just some time of fellowship and sharing. I feel that there is a need for true life together in the valley that cannot be brought through sermons and singing. It is difficult to break away from the standard format of worship+prayer+sermon+worship, but what is the point of church if it is an event? Why not make it life? Isn’t that what it truly is? I have been reflecting on how the early church met together and simply broke bread in fellowship. I do not imagine Peter or Paul standing up, reading the list of announcements for the week and then breaking into a categorized and bullet-pointed sermon (with powerpoint, of course). I also don’t think that church is just the fellowship of believers, but that the body should together act outwardly in caring for those without. If there are people without food, we should feed them. If they lack housing, let us join together to put a roof over their heads. If people are desperate and in need why is the church not the first to help? How hard is it for us to do small things to help? To use whatever position or authority or “leadership” we have to the benefit of others, both within and without the church?

I envision a group of students joining together to simply live out lives of love for others, where our actions are indicative of our faith and where our lives are testimonies far greater than words could accomplish. Though the summer is short and time dwindles rapidly, we have been given this opportunity to plant seeds and simply love the people of the valley, a group that may need love more than any others. I look around and see the lavish lifestyles of people here, but simultaneously see death in the churches. I see little vigor, because people have nothing to be passionate about. Valley Christian managed to raise 1.5 million dollars for a new building, which wasn’t enough to actually buy the land they sought. What if VCF were to take that money and invest in Buy Shoes, Save Lives? That’s about the amount needed to build a heart treatment center in Iraq. If that happened, thousands of children would be able to afford the live-saving operations they currently cannot because of the transportation costs.

I see so much need, and I so desire to reach out. I know there are others here who feel the same. Maybe it is time to start doing, and not talking. That is my greatest flaw: talking but not acting. I reserve my time, my money, my life for other things and people. What would my life look like if I simply abandoned it?

This has been a very random and long rant of sorts, but that is a lot of what has been on my mind the past week and I deemed it worthy of being put on (virtual) paper. Please, if you have comments about this or ideas to share DO NOT hesitate to leave a comment here or come talk to me. Me and a few others have some big plans in our brains and we want to make them a reality.

I will hopefully write more on these and other topics this coming week, as I will be implementing some discipline into my life once more. Check back for updates, or follow these postings on Facebook.